(Authors disclaimer: All the below lessons can be applicable to girls as and where applicable with minor changes)
Twenty years of my life has taught me some things. Some of the lessons have been gentle and some of them real painful. Please note that I have been fortunate not to experience all the below mentioned tragedies if I may take the liberty to call them so, but I expect them to come knocking sooner or later. They are the gist of pure observation as well as experience as related to people around me.
Maintain your self individuality: Trust me you don’t want to be known as somebody’s boyfriend neither you expect somebody to be known as your girlfriend. You want yourself to be known as what you are good or bad, ugly or attractive. The day your name is synonymous with your girlfriends or vice versa you know something is wrong. Always remember you came alone and you wont have company while going back.
Do it for yourself: Don’t do it because you’re Dad, Mom, Girlfriend wants you to do it. Do it because you feel like doing it, because it will make you happy. Always remember for people you care for to be happy prerequisite is that you have to be happy. Don’t try to be a philanthropist with stone over heart tendencies. Do what you believe is right and if they love you as much as you think they will understand. Not today but someday.
Never compromise on self respect: If she really has anything for you in her heart she will respect you for showing backbone. Mind you, there is a marked difference between ego and self respect and everyone knows it for himself. If situation demands taking some hard decisions go ahead. You may lose small amount of time you could have spent with her but you won your self respect back.
You can’t please everyone: another common human tendency. The day you try to please everyone you will end up hurting everyone. It’s futile and wastage of effort. This doesn’t warrant recklessness but it’s ok to be selfish sometimes. You possibly don’t need to be rude to others whom you cant please but there is always a nice way of doing everything. Go for it.
Be thankful for whatever you have: I know this one is hard but always remember things could have been even worse. Whenever you feel awful just ask yourself would you rather trade places with a person who just discovered he had 3 months to live or had a big accident? I don’t think so. This is a wicked way but all the more a very effective way to stay happy. God didn’t take effort to create a nobody. Possibly destiny has been cruel to you, you made mistakes which could have been avoided. But there is always another day. Be thankful that you have senses to think about the past. Contemplating on past lays the foundation for a strong future.
You are not chasing her: Many times you will feel her drifting away from you. Nothing might have gone wrong and it is not at all your fault. Always remember one thing you love her. You are not chasing her for fun. If distance is what she wants give her plenty of it. In fact so much that she asks you to come closer.
Life is never fair in small sample period: Its part of experience. For small period life is always unfair. But if you consider a big enough time span you will get to know that things aren’t as bad as they seem now. Possibly they could have been better but things could have also been much worse. We never complain when we get lucky. You have to keep some margin for tolerance.
Never apologize with conditions applied tag: Never add crap like sorry if you thought so or it wasnt my intention o hurt you. Its sign of ego. If you are convinced you were at fault give out an unconditional apology than adding those ifs and buts.You can explain the circumstances later on.
Stop blaming yourself: You are not responsible for every acne she has. Don’t have that guilty feeling every time you feel she is off. And more importantly don’t go with a band aid every time she has a cut. She is as capable as you to solve her problems the last thing you want is to be branded as pain in neck.
That wretched feeling: Ok, let’s accept it most probably you aren’t her first, not even second or third choice. You have to fight for everything just to be with her. Things which require you to put in tremendous efforts might seem to be for granted for others. Always remember one thing. World is unfairly biased in favor of girls. You can’t help it. No amount of cursing yourself can correct that. You chose to love her, be prepared to pay for that.
Be nice to everyone: Probably the most important thing. Remember nothing goes unnoticed. Every action is accounted for. Always be nice to everyone good-bad, beautiful ugly. You never know what will help you out later on. Solutions often come out from the most unexpected sources. Being nice doesn’t cost you anything. Your one smile may make somebody’s day. Feel free to distribute it.
Some people can’t think straight: You tried everything but still some people refuse to have it straight. Continuous politics, backstabbing all these are part of life. You can’t control what others do but you can surely have control over what your reaction to that will be. If possible ignore it but if not make them pay. Never procrastinate in such situations. You would rather lose a finger now that an arm later on.
It’s ok to feel the blues: Everyone has a tough phase in life. Many people like us have a tough life. You deserve to feel neglected, unwanted or wretched sometimes. But what is more important is you are always in control. Give yourself a day or two to feel sorry for you. Use all the abusive adjectives you can think of to whomsoever you think is responsible for your current situation. If you are responsible for current mess its even better. Go one step ahead for yourself. But come out of the mess after the stipulated period.
If you cannot be a good example you can always serve as a horrible warning: Not everyone ends up as Steve Jobs. It’s ironic that people can extract more lessons from a failure than a success. Its ok you did stuff you shouldn’t have. Probably fell for wrong girl, smoked, had drugs etc. What’s gone by can’t be helped but what you about it in future can definitely be. Take ahead whatever you can and move on.
There is a fine distinction between fun and ridicule: Never cross the line. Teasing should always be such that the victim enjoys it the most. It is terrible to see that strong relations were soured due to stupid reasons. You don’t want to waste rest of life feeling stupid.
Always listen to your conscience: At the end of the day you are answerable to yourself not to your mom, your dad or your neighbor. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself given another chance would you have done things differently. If answer is affirmative its time to be more careful next time.
Never pass blame: Nobody likes a loser but people hate a person who shirks away from blame. Own up you will do better next time rather than finding reasons to save your neck every time things go wrong. Things could have gone only two way either good or bad. Due to some reason they went in negative half. Put your hand up and learn the lesson.
Make new mistakes: Everyone is tired of seeing same mistakes being committed again and again. If you can’t do anything right at least do an innovative wrong. You will get credit for that. You don’t learn until you make mistakes. If you are not doing anything wrong then it means you are not doing enough.
Never put all your eggs in the same basket: Keep your emotional support base wide enough. Never rely on same person for everything. Always keep the base broad and the top narrow in order to ensure a strong building. Try to increase the circle of confidence to a manageable level.
Trust yourself: It might sound like narcissism but trust no one but you. Reliance on others may carry you some distance but they are bound to dump you somewhere on the road. Be responsible for what you do and take your decisions yourself.
